It was all just like a dream, except I never fell asleep… I was there, felt your love, connected with the people closest to my heart, visited the places of my past, the building blocks of who I am today; my childhood home, highschool, church, where we used to bike as a family… All my favourite places to be, my favourite restaurant and foods, my favourite places to play ball and spend time with friends, my favourite place to sit by the dyke to take in life and pray.
I was here. I lived here. The life I built lives on, it is still here, and exists, in the hearts of the people that remember me.
However, now, there is this other “reality of life” I have built, on the other side of the world. It co-exists. It thrives. It is forever in competition with the memories of what I had when I left home almost two years ago.
Most days, my life here brings dynamism, growth, adventure and richness to my soul. But some days, like today, in the midst of loss and heartbreak, it feels like I exist somewhere between two places. The pieces of my heart, scattered in between both. And I can’t help but wonder if I will ever be able to put all these pieces back together. Or will my heart forever be torn. Desperately and hopelessly trying to connect two realities, that are forever destined to be on opposite sides of the world.
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Be with me Lord.
As my world crumbles around me
Uphold me. Strengthen me.
As my heart breaks for her.
My entire being urges me to go home and hold her together.
Be with me Lord.
Settle my mind’s anxieties.
Bring me calmness and peace.
You brought me here.
I am meant to be here.
Uplift me. Give me your wisdom and understanding.
Help me to trust.
Be with me Lord.
Rebuild me from the inside out.
Tania November 13, 2017
In the midst of (emotional) chaos its hard to see, you are exactly where you need to be ♡.
When the cloud lifts i promise, it will become clear.