I had the pleasure of being invited to one of my dear friend’s wedding last year. Amidst the most perfected spreadsheet organizing, whimsical flower arrangements, stunning weather, and breathtaking venue, I found myself moved, in awe and inspired. Here were two people who had worked hard to overcome their own obstacles to make space for a brand new life adventure together. Furthermore, they were willing to commit to it, out loud, in front of closest family and friends. Commit to choosing each other, every day, always.
This moved me on several levels. Most of all, the vulnerability and the courage. The courage to open your heart and 1) not only to admit you want/ need love, or 2) to believe you deserve that unconditional kind, but 3) to accept it, and make the intentional choice to keep choosing it even when it is hard, heartbreaking or terrifying. These seemingly simple steps have been things I know I have had a lifetime of struggling with. At times because of pride and not wanting to admit I need anyone, believing that this made me weak. Other times it was due to convincing myself there was “no one better out there”, that it was okay to be unseen, overlooked or even controlled. It ended up often looking like me turning away from wonderful supports around me, with outstretched arms, wanting to show love, care, consistency, due to shame, fear of connection and of being let down. It is something we all do, to try and protect ourselves. Call it self-sabotage, defense mechanisms, or self preservation, these patterns serves to ‘protect’ us from our fears and insecurities, whilst at the same time building a wall so high and impenetrable that we often end up unseen and alone.
On this beautiful day, none of this existed. I watched best friends, drop the need to use humor to mask depth of relationship, and speak openly from the heart, of gratitude, loyalty, growth and love. I watched parents share reflections from their own lives, speaking frankly about hurdles, idiosyncrasies and love over the course of a lifetime. I witnessed bride and groom, courageously speak to the significance they were to each other, the difference they had made in each other’s lives. There was no need or room for pride, self-preservation, fear or doubt, just love and an unwavering amount of trust and hope.
It reminds me of the original theme of this blog when I first started it. The idea that when we were children, we were unafraid. We felt free to be naked and unashamed, both literally and figuratively. Free to cry before we learned fear of judgement. Free to need or want the loving support of a parent, without pride getting in the way. Free to express gratitude and love to those closest to us, without a care in the world of who was watching and what they would think of us. Just being our complete selves, and letting the contents of our hearts and minds be seen. It was magical getting to be a part of a day that exemplified all this and more. An important reminder of so much that has been lost in the ways us humans connect and hide our true selves from one another. I was thankful to have been personally reminded to be vulnerable, to invite, foster and seek out connection above all else. Especially, in the face of fear, doubt and shame.
We all deserve the reality of being seen, and wholeheartedly loved
for the perfectly, imperfect beings that we are.